Mary Panza

Mary Panza is back with her first, albeit a week late, post-vacation Housewife Tuesday packed with tales from Cape Cod, coffee, and catching up with TV.

Mary Panza doesn’t like the outdoors without a lot of bug spray and cocktails. In this edition of Housewife Tuesday, Mary lets you know why.

Capri’s mother (Capri senior) had one of the best quotes I have ever heard, “TV, what else is there?”  I have to agree.  I’m no intellectual.  The days of thinking I’m somehow high art are long since past.  Truth be told, as a fat child, TV was good to me.  It didn’t mock me.  It

By the time you are reading this I hope to be suffering a massive hangover from giant shots of tequila. I’ve decided to kick it old school. I am deciding this on Wednesday. God knows how I will feel tomorrow. The last week or so things have been strange. I got hit on Friday night.

In honor of me living so long (as I will be 45 next week), my sister will be telling the story: May 23rd, 1968 (the feast of the Assenection) was a beautiful morning.  It was spring. There was sunshine.  My mother didn’t have much of a garden that year considering she was as big as

I have never been on the receiving end of jealously before. It feels like shit. I want to start out by saying if I have ever made anyone of you feel like shit, I am sorry. With that said, what the fuck? I am really happy. My girl is happy and healthy. My bills are paid. The

A long standing tradition in my family is the birth story. Everybody has one. On Monday, my girl turns seven. Here is her story as told by me, her mother: I was so ready to have her. Her room was done. Diapers, wipes, breast pump, receiving blankets, crib and the rest of it. All ready

I am fortunate in many ways. I have a healthy kid, a good face, a house, a car and a job. I am very fortunate. I use the word fortunate because in my mind, fortunes are earned and therefore should be valued. Luck is too random for my taste and it always runs out. Another

So the crazy has been out of her cage for about a week. Why? The sad truth is that nothing is wrong. Capri always tells me to be careful talking about being happy. It goes in accordance with the way we were raised. Don’t let God hear you. He hates the proud. The Bathtub Mary Catholics have

Let me lay this out for you: I never routed for the princess. I always thought that they were like the girls in Catholic School that acted dumb or helpless to get what they wanted. I hated that mainly because I couldn’t get away with it. With that said, I had a daughter. So last week I

It is no joke that I am clearly not right in the head. With that said, here it is: I will not name names, situations or events leading up to what happened. I will say that my vag is back. That is all you need to know for now. Having not returned Capri’s calls for three days,

So here I am. Flooded basement lost my fight with the stupid ass’ that installed my new heating system, New Year, no man, and I’m still fat. I am in a surprisingly good mood these days. Why? You ask like you give a shit? My reason is this: TV. Trust me; I know I’m low brow. TV