Hey. It has been a while. What’s new? Kidding. This is the first thing I have written in almost a year. I have had writer’s block. A very bad case of writer’s block. Something was different about today. I finally felt like it. I felt I could breathe again. It could be that Wednesday was such an amazing day or that maybe it was just time again. Like everyone else, I have been in complete survival mode since last March. I must say that I have been lucky. Luckier than most. This has changed me, hopefully for the better.
I made my new year’s resolution last January to not argue with fools. I broke that resolution only three times last year. That is not bad for someone like me. I love to fight, at least I did in the past. Last year I just became tired. I was out of work from March to June. That’s a long fucking time for me. It is the longest I have ever not worked. I love to work. I love love my job and going to work for me is a break from the world. 2020 put me in the world, facing it. There were some hard truths I forced myself to face with the help of one of these fools. The lesson I learned from that person was that I miss details. I should have known this person was fuck nuts but trying to be a kinder, gentler version of myself, I ignored all the red flags. My bad. This taught me that I still have a lot to learn. I had some really difficult conversations that shook me to my core. I have to say that I am grateful to this fool. Although I hope I never see them again as long as I live, I do owe them a thank you. They pushed me to another level and I learned to listen. Not bad for an old broad. I also learned that you can’t make people listen when they know everything. Part of what made me so upset is that I saw a younger version of myself in this fool. It stings but I am glad to be old enough to know that I don’t know shit. As for the other two fools, God Bless. As for me, no more resolutions.
I did get to spend most of the lockdown with my girl. It was a blessing for me. You’d have to ask her how she felt about it. She did great with virtual learning as she loves to learn and loves getting A’s. It amazes me because all I got out of any kind of formal education was I rather have a job so I can make money, so I can go out. She and I are total opposites in that regard. It is amazing to watch her grow up. We would also go for long walks in the afternoon. Yes, I went outside. More about that later. We had great conversations and I love her humor(although it is mostly at my expense). It was the most time we have spent together as I only took 30 days off when she was born. That’s the life of an independent contractor.
So, one day in April of last year, I get a phone call from one of my blonde friends. She is huffing and puffing and I asked her where she was. She tells me that she is hiking a trail by herself. I start screaming at her about how dangerous that is and she shouldn’t be doing that and blah blah blah. I watch a lot of crime shows. A few days later this blonde goddess shows up at my door, mask on, and tells me to put some shoes on. Now, by this time, other than going to the store, I have been braless and shoeless. Not a pretty picture. So, for the sake of the public, I put on a bra and shoes and we do a hike. More like a walk on a trail for infants. I did it. We had snacks afterward. Those who truly know me, know they can get me to do pretty much anything if snacks are involved. As much as I would love to think that I am this evolved, creative being, I’m really just a whore for snacks. So now this becomes a thing a couple times a week. Then, before you know it I am downloading hiking apps and looking forward to our hikes. I am actually going outside to places where there is no concrete. Who am I, you ask? I have no fucking clue.
I also have been sitting in on some Zoom open mics. I love to be able to attend open mics in my pj’s. One, in particular, I try to listen in on every week. I don’t read or show my face. I have enjoyed becoming a listener. It is very freeing to just sit back and observe without having to host or read. It is really nice to see young writers find their voice. It has been very freeing to know that I still have a voice. I just don’t have to use it all the time.
I have a million and one things I could say about this past year and I know you do as well. I would like to say, once again, I am grateful that Wednesday was such an incredible day. It was full of inspiration and hope, especially Amanda Gorman. Ms. Gorman, if I ever grow up, I hope to have the grace and wisdom you presented to the country on Wednesday. If I ever grow up.