Hudson River Coffee House: A Jaunt into Comedy and Culture

By Jesse Seidel, edited by Courtney Semoff

I returned to Hudson River Coffee House for their weekly open-mic night – every Thursday at eight – see how a full performance proceeded. Unfortunately, the master of ceremonies, Tony, was unable to do his usual hosting as he was with his children in Utica. His temporarily replacements, employees Anton and David commenced without much further ado the open mic featuring:

  • Jeff, who read a poem that was comparable to a small epic, “Feeding his Guru” about his roommate Michael, who he believes to have some ethereal, otherworldly power.
  • Next was 49 year old Jerry Dymond, who once more regaled us with standup, this time circling around BJ’s (The Store Chain), Haircuts, things better than our current president, Donald Trump, UPS, papercuts, and hernias.
  • Joe Foti’s comedic stylings focused on his vacation in Colorado, his girlfriend’s friends, the shenanigans that tend to happen at the airport, and how the Illuminati is under the Denver Airport. Specifically mentioning that “Elon Musk doesn’t know his way around a sacrificial dagger.”, and hating YouTube comments that aren’t of any use.
  • Anton read from a book of poems, specifically “Happiness” by Raymond Carter.
  • Next was Will on the guitar.
  • Followed by Zack Hitt on guitar who played “Losing Control” by Russ and “Where the Streets Have no Name.”
  • After that, was the return of the zany Ed Smyth, who last I saw did an expert rendition of a Flamingo Dance, with an inflatable Flamingo. This time, however, he started to thank various things for performing their jobs: such as paint, for drying. He broke out his kazoo for a relevant song about baristas and coffee and a song about Apollo 13 using a small globe and a golf ball as props.
  • Noah Patterson who, and I quote, played some “funky shit.” A ska cover of something before deciding to change his mind and played something different, presumably less funky than what he originally intended.
  • Josh Knight with standup, going on to say that Graham crackers were synonymous with old white women and successful Tupac assassins being monkeys.
  • Things mellowed out a bit after that with Kirsten who read poetry. She started with a poem about deconstructing ‘nice guys’ who think they are entitled to sex, spoke about objectification, and sarcastic seduction attempts, while also implying that Theodore Roosevelt was well-endowed – “He knew to speak softly, while having a big stick.”
  • Dan Milgo and David Shine, revved the night back up with standup, the former about age, drugs, and flying, while the latter was more amusingly aggressive, telling white people to go to hell, calling Trump the funniest president and one being very successful at exposing racists, put on a Louis Armstrong impression for the hit song “Drop it Like it’s Hot” and wanting to be an R&B singer with his hypothetical album called “Lovemaking to the Back of Throats.”
  • Samuel read off a currently ‘untitled’ poem at high speeds, mentioning a Vaudeville Octane Remix, and leaving many either confused or delighted.
  • Ben on the guitar, sang a Bob Marley cover.
  • A stellar performance by Lana Rose who sang show tunes from “Les Misérables” before going for opera of all things.
  • The night closed out with Phil who provided more standup, this time focusing on his life more than any outside problem.

The evening was exceptionally entrancing, especially with no equipment malfunction that would cause the show to stop early. I felt everyone truly brought their A-Game, especially the replacement hosts Anton and David. Hopefully Tony will be back next week, but he can rest easy knowing that things still went off without a hitch.