Mary Panza

Housewife Tuesday – Q&A

Mary Panza

So on Wednesday, June 15th, I will be reading at Restaurant Navona. I have always loved the show, Inside the Actor’s Studio, mainly because everyone is so arrogant and full of themselves. Did I mention I can’t wait until Wednesday?

I love the host of the show, James Lipton. I have no idea where he came from or his background, but I love that guy. He laughs at his own vague jokes; he is superior in his attitude and just a dick all around. I would love for my Q & A portion of Wednesday to be like that, especially the last question he asks everyone, “When you arrive in Heaven, what would God say to you?” Just in case this question doesn’t get asked, my answer would be, “What are you doing here?”

Some other questions from that show I will answer just in case they don’t get asked imagine James himself asking me:

JL: What is your favorite curse word?

Me: Cocksuckingmotherfuckinggoddambitch. I save that for special occasions, like slamming my hand in a door. I say fuck all the time and I am pretty fond of douche canoe since it showed up in my spell check.  I love fucktard although pretty politically incorrect. Not that I give a shit, mind you. The PC movement fucked up everything. It is like your well-intentioned Aunt that always screws things up. Anyway, I will stick with fucktard as being my go to favorite curse word.

JL: Ahhh, oh Mary Panza, you are a delight.

Me: I know. Next question.

JL: What sound do you love?

Me: The ice cream truck and a nickel slot machine hitting the jackpot coming in a close second.

JL: What sound do you hate?

Me: Police sirens, alarm clocks and whining. Honorable mention in this category is cocky professor types laughing at shit that is not funny.

JL: You are a treasure.

Me: Ok, last question.

JL: If you could do another profession other than your own, what would it be?

Me: Nothing. I wouldn’t do a damn thing. I would win the lottery and sit on my ass all day yelling at the TV. When I got bored with that, I would become an alcoholic. It just seems like a very natural progression.

Truth of the matter is I am so excited to have anyone talk to me at all, let alone ask questions. I promise I have written some new poems. It has been hard for me to write poems since my Mother died. I don’t know why but it is as though that part of my brain shut down and I was needing to tell stories in greater detail. That part of my brain where poetry lives is still there, it just has a barbed wire fence around it. I am getting there and I am enjoying the challenge. Mainly because I can be challenged sitting down.

I hope to see everyone there on Wednesday and please, feel free to ask me ANYTHING!


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