Housewife Tuesday – Prêt-a-porter

Panza Slippers

Now that my least favorite time of year is over, I am done spreading joy and good cheer. That is correct. I am a joy spreader.

My girl had 10 days off and was a total beast. So much so that I had to confiscate her Christmas gifts the day after she received them. No threats worked on her because she knew she was going to cash in from at least four homes. She sure did and I swear that elf on a shelf (at her father’s house) was possessed and made her into one of the Heathers. It must be nice to be her. I wouldn’t know.

Anyways, I took off the last Friday of the vacation to just clean house and chill. I took the tree down and I stumbled upon 7 hours of one of my favorite shows, What Not to Wear. I love, love, love that show. You see, I am a fashion invalid. Maybe not so much an invalid as I just like my uniform (as my beloved Capri calls it). I can watch that show and
armchair quarterback it for hours and be happy. On this fateful day, I sit with my girl (or “girl genius” and 3b calls her), and explain the fundamentals of fashion and dressing for success. She was so confused.

GG: How come you know so much about fashion and you look the way you look.

Me: What do you mean?

GG: Black. Black everything. Black shirts, skirts, pants, sweats, bras, under ware, coats gloves, scarves….everything.

Me: I am one of those women that never could rely on her looks. I was never the prettiest or thinnest so I had to rely on my cunning and wit and sense of humor to get by. I don’t mean I don’t like fashion it just means I like black. It is easy. It is predictable and most of the time it scares people.

GG: Why do you want to scare people?

Me: To be honest with you, I can’t remember.

This frustrated GG. I like sweats and yoga pants around the house. I feel that wearing exercise clothes around the house mocks exercise in general. I enjoy the mock. I don’t feel the need to stay clothed when I am home. Sometimes, I am just in my Oscar Madison robe and slippers. If you show up at my house to surprise me, well, joke is on you. I once asked

3b if he ever got sick of me looking like a slob

3b: No. Of course not, as long as you don’t smell I couldn’t care less.

I love that. It makes me happy to not have to be “on” all the time. If you are my sister, you know that statement is hilarious because according to her, I am never on.

I can guarantee you that I will be watching all the pretty dresses and fashion disasters this awards season. I can’t help myself. I love to look at pretty things and be grateful that I don’t need to wear spanx as part of my job. I love clothes and shoes and jewelry. I just don’t feel the need to be uncomfortable and I like to scare people. Although I still can’t remember why.

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