Housewife Tuesday – So Far


2015 has started out with a bang, literally.

I love to grocery shop every day. I put aside $15 dollars and head to the market after work at least five days a week. On one particular Saturday, I went to the Hannaford in Delmar Plaza. It is not my normal market because I am a Price Chopper kind of girl. I like the one in Slingerlands because I like the produce, I know my way around and on Christmas Eve I was felt up by the produce guy and got extra escarole. My sister so eloquently aid this when I told her, “Let’s face it, you have done more for less. At least you got good escarole.” Anyways, my daughter (gg) had a very bad virus that had wiped her out and all she asked for from the store was popsicles. My totally hot 3b wanted sausage and peppers for dinner so I was running to my second choice store with a plan. I was 20 minutes in the store. I am walking out smiling like a jerk because I was about to make my two loves happy when I see my car. I have a moment where I don’t think it is my car but then I get closer. The passenger side of my care is shoved in, paint scratched and mirror taken off. Not only that, they stole the mirror. Why, I have no idea but all I can figure was they wanted to add insult to injury. I go back in to Hannaford and ask if they have the non emergency number to the police. I tell them what happened and they are wonderful and helpful. Good people. The cops come and take the report. They couldn’t have been nicer. I surprised myself by not freaking out. I told the officer, who said that he was sorry I had to start the new year off like this that everyone was so nice it made this shit pill easier tos wallow. I posted the photo on Facebook and almost everyone said the same thing: karma. Maybe it was my karma catching up to me. Maybe karma will strike the person that did this to my car but the bottom line is this: the people I love were not hurt. My daughter got her popsicles and 3b ordered pizza and French fries. I win.

Speaking of 3b and gg, they are getting along better. They bicker like old ladies and as I found out last Friday, should never play restaurant. My gg is on a kick where she loves playing waitress. Not a game I am fond of as I was one for many years and fell in love with cash money, stayed too long and became bitter. I try not to put this on her as I am hoping she will move on to games like taking care of mommy in her old age. I can only hope. I have been playing in the evenings with her and we have it down to 15 minutes from drinks to appetizers to dessert and coffee. That night in question, 3b had a rotten day. Without giving out all his business, it was a shitty day for him. He asks me if I want to cook or go out. I have been driving a dumpy rental car all week and was tired. I wanted to go to Salsa Latina and I wanted to go immediately. I wanted my frozen peach margarita and my Spanish pork chops. Great, he says. What will you tell gg? Gg went through a phase where he has hated to go out to dinner, at least with us. She would act like an ass and I would have to punish her upon getting home. It had been going for a year or so. On this night I was going to tell her that 3b and I had hard day and we were going out to Salsa and too bad if she didn’t like it. Her response was this:

Gg: Ok. Can I get a virgin Pina Colada?

I was stunned and thought that maybe I had stepped into bizzaro world. 3b and I went with it and off to a nice dinner. We had a great time. We come home and gg tells 3b that he promised to play restaurant with her after dinner and she was good and it was after dinner. I tell him he had to keep his word. Off they go. Now I am downstairs in my chair watching my DVR’d Young and the Restless. I can hear the conversation and it is going fine. Then, out of the blue I hear this:

3b: Buy that table two steak sandwiches and two bloody Marys’s and put it on the Underhill’s bill.

It is a line from that stupid movie, Fletch. She goes along with it and then they begin to bicker. He needs more coffee. She brings him a play coffee pot. He begins to nitpick her. I hear her get frustrated. I scream up to him to stop busting the kid’s chops. I hear him laugh and give his patented line:

3b: What? What did I do?

I tell him to knock it off. He laughs. She finally brings him the bill. She doesn’t add the bill up with a total because IT IS PRETEND RESTAURANT!!! The next thing I hear makes me want to choke both of them. I will say that my gg reacted that way I did when I had a jackass customer.

3b: Oh miss, you need to add this bill.

Gg: It is just pretend. You just leave me the credit card and I will come back with a receipt.

3b: But you need to add the bill. I am not just going to give you a credit card.

Gg: Again, it is pretend. Stop being like that.

3b: Being like what. You are not playing right. Play right!


He hems and haws at her that he didn’t do anything and she explains that she has the right to refuse service to him. My girl. He comes down the stairs laughing. They are both idiots. They are both my idiots and I love them more than everything.

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