As I sat in the Bowery bar, a thought popped into my otherwise vacant head: where the fuck do all these boy hipsters find the skinny jeans. Is there a club of anyone under 107 pounds, that I don’t know about and haven’t had a chance to be in since 3rd grade. Alas, my childhood, as short as it was, consisted of wearing woman’s clothing since my sister put me on a diet at age 7. I have been fat ever since.
Now, there have been levels of my fatness and to be honest, there have been times in my life where I would have been considered ok weight wise. My mistake was listening to people tell me was so pretty, I should try harder to lose weight. I was never really fat. I had a shape. Being a curvy girl in the age of “You can never be too rich or too thin” was a nightmare. When my sex drive kicked in, I found that I love boys in bands. It is not really a phenomena but I like those skinny boys in the tight pants. I remember, even back then, thinking to myself: where do you find pants so tight and please be my angst ridden boyfriend. I dated a drummer for a few years and banged some band guys here and there but as I got into my 30’s I swore off musicians in general. I just kept going with the angst ridden ones without the complication of the music thing. Plus, I mean, really, skinny jeans for men? The tight pants were no good for circulation and I wasn’t going to bed with someone I could crush between my giant thighs. Now, in my late 40’s I still wonder if this is a club.
Being in NYC is always a great time. I love going down and hanging out with 3b’s band and I was even the merch girl. I sold one tee shirt and was nominated by the band as sales person of the year. So, we are where all the magic happened: the lower east side. It brings up visions of creativity and anger and music and it defines cool. Now it seems that some of these places have hit their middle age as well. The stores are kind of upscale. The club was clean. I mean really clean. The bathroom was clean. The food at a nearby pub was all organic and probably gluten free. The people couldn’t have been nicer and the kids were really well dressed. I had a conversation with two nice 20 something’s about my eyelashes. They didn’t buy any band shirts or CD’s but really like my fake eyelashes. Not a lot of angst or creativity in that conversation. So the first kid (he was 23) playing had the modern country thing going. He had on skinny jeans. The ladies were all over him. Then, next band that played only had members over 50 and under 30. The under 30’s were wearing skinny jeans. The over 50 were wearing dad jeans and one of them had dad jeans and a hipster hat. Is there a hipster hat store as well that you can only get into with a secret code? The middle age ladies dressed inappropriatly were all over these guys. Many middle aged ladies and many inapropiatly clothing choices. They were also wearing too much make up. 3b’s band was next. They were amazing and no one wore skinny jeans. The crowd was had thinned to people who were actually there to hear the band. The last band was a group from Canada and they were amazing as well. By this time it was a sausage fest. I was the only girl there listening and the rest were all guys listening to the music. They were wearing very skinny, skinny jeans.
It was a really fun night. I will never know where rock and roll has hidden its skinny jean supply. It is probably not for a fat chick like me to know. I am more of a stretch denim girl anyway.
