Housewife Tuesday: OM

I am sitting here on the eve of my 51st birthday. I had a great day today. Why? I will tell you this, when the first lady of Albany Poets has ideas, sometimes it is best to run with them. FL texted me about two weeks ago and asked me if I had plans for the day before my birthday. I didn’t so I said as much. I waited for her to present her idea. As I waited, I was thinking day drinking, yoga and day drinking, lunch and day drinking. I love day drinking. Bombed by two, asleep by six. It is my idea of heaven, right up there with eating dinner no later than four. I am old and I have zero fucks to give.

That wasn’t what she had in mind. She texted me back and told me we have a reservation at Kripalu in Stockbridge MA. She has been really consistent and passionate about her yoga practice and God knows that I could use some exercise. So I agree. Sounds good and lunch was included so what the fuck. We were going to get there early but I stayed up late the night before watching Howard Stern on Colbert. I am not really a night owl so I woke up late. I made coffee and had toast. I must have been really tired because I went the wrong way to the AP white house.

Thankfully, we were in no hurry. We did miss breakfast and it was muffin day. I take that as a sign that I didn’t need the calories but damn, I fucking love muffins. Anyways, we look at the schedule. FL booked a facial. I was going to get a massage but it was soooo fucking expensive. I am a massage therapist and even I don’t have the balls to charge what they were charging. So I go exploring, mainly for a ladies room. Now, if you have been paying attention you know I sckieve public bathrooms. I usually “camel”. I really hate to admit this, but my bladder is shrinking (or prolapsing) and I am forced to face my fears. So I find the ladies room. Then I try to find a place to take a nap. I go to the meditation room and there is a lady so deep in her mediation she doesn’t notice I opened the door. There was no place to lay down so I decided to leave her to her blank mind. I find the sun room and they have really comfortable looking couches. On one couch there was a man wearing the “uniform”. A ponytail, parted down the middle and a tee shirt with an inspirational quote on it. I just need a nap. On the other couch was a different man with a grey ponytail and an inspirational quote tee shirt. I am truly in hell. I go find a chair and lay down. There is an expression, “the silence was deafening”. I didn’t know what meant until today. The silence was so loud. I almost couldn’t sleep. I finally did. I know this because I was snoring. Dark ponytail man dropped a book on the floor. I didn’t jump but I was annoyed. I was also thankful that I had found the ladies room earlier. It saved me from an embarrassing, uncomfortable afternoon.

FL finds me and she is glowing. I love treatments! I love facials, nails, eyelashes, massages and any other treatment that I can have the hope of coming out if it younger and thinner. If it makes even a remote promise, I’m all in. So far nothing has panned out yet but I am addicted to that hope. So when we were looking over the schedule for the day, we were going to do at least ONE class. Then we were going to go for a hike. As far as I know, unless there is a mountain involved, a hike is really just a walk. Now for those who know me know that I respect nature so much that I never go out in it. I like concrete. I like street lights, cars speeding past the house, crazy neighbors across the street and my beast barking uncontrollably at the mailman. I love all of this from the inside of my house. I will drink on a terrace or restaurant patio as long as the sun is not in my eyes. I love the Berkshires from a car or a window where there are no ticks, no spiders and no dirt on my running shoes. Yez, I know what I said. My active wear is for comfort. Period.

FL gets done with her facial and is glowing. We decide to go to a meditation class. I sat up so I wouldn’t fall asleep. I was surprised that I sat for the 45 minutes in the same position. It was a lot of work. By the way, I could not quiet my mind. It was loud and by this time I was ready for lunch. Excellent lunch! Damn I love a buffet! Now, as a side note, El Presidente and 3b were pretty sure we would be asked to leave. We only got yelled at one time when we took our phones out at lunch. Lunch is not the time to get kicked out, especially a buffet. We put our phones away. Suck it 3b and El. We can be ladies.

After we overate the delightful lunch, we can’t really exercise so we take in a talk on positional therapy. I like it so much that I may take the class for LMT’s in the fall.
Well, we felt so good after that we didn’t want to ruin that with exercise, so we take a class on the science of Ayurveda. We get there late and have to sit up front. I then proceed to nod off while she is speaking. I am actually interested and I just can’t stay awake. Thank God for handouts and FL note taking. After the talk it was time to leave. I got through the whole day without going outside and exercise. FL and I get snacks for the 40 minute ride home. I got out of her car covered in cheddar popcorn dust.

It was a perfect day!