Housewife Tuesday – Still Here

Yeah, I know, I’m a slug. I have been busy/lazy and haven’t written anything in weeks. I should be trying to write new poems for a performance I have on Saturday, but I am writing this instead. I am a classic slug. Truth of the matter is that I haven’t had anything to say since I went on a pseudo-political rant. Not so much the politics but people that annoy me. Anyways, here I am.

I went to Universal Studios a few weeks ago. My girl is fanatical for Harry Potter. So I made it happen. We went with a good friend of mine, Mimi, and her three kids. I was very impressed with the whole thing although I have no idea why. I have never read the books or seen the movies. I was not impressed with waiting 75 minutes for my girl and Mimi’s daughter to ride a five-minute ride. I was impressed when Mimi brought me a frozen butter beer with a double shot of Fireball whiskey in it. That made the minutes pass like hours but at least I was buzzed. As for my girl, she was the happiest and I didn’t need to punch a princess. As for J.K. Rowling, she owes me a spa day.

Albany Poets, and a great friend of Albany Poets, have decided to bring back READINGS AGAINST THE END OF THE WORLD. What is that you ask? It is a 24-hour open mic that was started by the Godfather of the Capital Area poetry scene, Tom Nattell. Most of the open mics in this area that are going on today can be traced back to him. I know some of the younger folks will have a hard time agreeing with this but it is like six degrees of separation. I am so excited for this you can’t believe. I would really love to have all of the branches of the poetry community come together and participate. We have three people organizing this, along with students and the internet. Planning is pretty good so far but I believe Tom did most of the organizing himself and he did everything by mail. Snail mail that is. I can only imagine how hard it was to try to herd a bunch of egomaniacal writers into time slots and then have to deal with them on no sleep. That’s right. I called you egomaniacal. I also called myself egomaniacal. Back then, 60lbs and 29 years ago, I was the worst. I was as self-important as you could get. I shit brilliance according to me. Now, I am lucky to poop a thought every now and then. Part laziness, part nothing to prove, mostly zero fucks left to give. I am inviting my comeuppance. It is the least I could do. I was a nightmare and so were you. I will take my lumps but don’t push it. I hope, wherever Tom is, he is proud and laughing.

I was on Facebook today and saw a product that allows you to reuse pet hair. I shit you not. One sad lady made a watch out of her cat’s old pet hair. Apparently, you brush your pet, take that hair out of the brush and flatten out with this product and make amazing things with old pet hair. Really, old pet hair? Really? I am sorry to my friends that love their pets as their children. I believe that my beast is part of the family but having pushed out a giant headed baby, I have to say, COME ON!!!! Look, I saved my girl’s first tooth and her curl from her first hair cut but I never made that shit into a watch or a brooch or a necklace. It is ghoulish and weird and we have failed as a society. I haven’t been this insulted by a product since the Pajancho.

I have been riding the wave of hormones lately so I will quit while I am ahead. To sum up, J.K. owes me a spa day, sign up for READINGS AGAINST THE END OF THE WORLD, and for Christ’s sake, don’t make ANYTHING from pet hair.