I have been working a lot since I got back from vacation. My goal is to pay all my credit cards and live like I used to with cash. It is a lofty goal and lucky for me 3b has been willing to pick up my girl from camp when I am taking an extra appointment. Yesterday, all that karma stuff came back to haunt me. Truth be told, and genetically, it was bound to happen.
I walk in the door and 3b is making dinner and my girl is upstairs. She comes down and begins to chat about her day. She closes with this:
My girl: … And then I accidently punched 3b in the nuts.
All time stopped. She giggled like a fool and 3b is behind her trying not to laugh and at the same time has a distinctly proud look on his face.
Me: (High pitched shrill) What did you just day?
My girl: The nuts, you know the nuts. (Pointing to where nuts would be on her)
I should have seen this coming. First it is the period talk. Fine, it was bound to happen.
Then driving to Cape Cod she asks me how old she has to be before she can swear. I told her that swearing is a privilege and an earned right. She has not had a rough life like I had therefore she is not allowed to curse until she is 25. I also told her that 25 is the legal drinking age. If any of you correct her I will beat you until you bleed.
Anyways, I go ballistic and blame 3b. He tells me in between laughter that she goes to camp; she is on the bus and in the school yard. Then he hits me with logic:
3b: …And let’s face it, she is your kid. I am surprised it took her this long.
My love affair with the cursing words began young. I would curse with the neighborhood kids and found myself taking it farther than they did. I loved the shock value and it was a really good way to vent my anger. I remember going to confession in 8th Father Mitchell (May he rest in peace) I took the Lord’s name in vain.
Fr. Mitchell: OK, let me put it to you this way, what would you rather to eat, steak or dirt.
Me: Steak (duh)
Fr. Mitchell: Every time you say Jesus Christ or God Dam it is like eating dirt. Try to refrain from that.
Now sometimes, on the rare occasions I do attend mass, I am always hungry. I was a fat kid so I can see why he made his point this way so I took JC and GD out of my repertoire. Until recently that is. About a year ago one of my dear friends from work became a church girl and stopped cursing. Now, like a mental patient, every time I am around her I drop JC and GD like I mean it.
Cursing was also the way I made my way into poetry. The first poem I read at a QE2 open mic was entitled; I Am Trying Hard Not To Fuck On the First Date Anymore. I got laughter and applause and laid. A win is a win is a win except when your angel faced eight year old is talking about nut punching.
I probably should not have acted shocked. I probably should have brushed it off and calmly explained that it is not a polite thing for a young lady to say. I didn’t. I reacted with shock. Probably the same way the kids in the neighborhood, my teachers and my relatives acted when I cursed or did something equally boneheaded.
Well, she is my kid and I am in trouble.
